Abuse happens by both sexes and towards both sexes

Any forms of abuse are not only limited to being conducted by males,  only towards females,  it does occur that females can be the one committing these crimes.  It also isn’t only old men that commit these crimes, but older males are stereotyped as being the evil ones.

Sometimes as a male there is more of a fear of being ridiculed that if you claim you were forced into sex , then you are thought to be lying, as a female you do have more chance of being believed, though often some will say oh you deserved it because you were dressed a certain way or have such a friendly personality.

In general society has much to be blamed for, for many years it was the general norm that if you were a wife you had to do as your husband told you to do or that the husbands had a right to beat you.  Only in modern societies and modern thinking people has things changed that females are recognized as having rights to not being treated badly by males.  As a male you were thought to be weak if you showed any form of emotion.

As a victim of sexual abuse can you forgive those that perpetrated those crimes against you, I think as a male it could be much easier but that does depend on the circumstances and whether those that committed those crimes offers a explanation and a honest apology to yourself.  It is a individual case by case thing, not something that can be generalized into neat squares.

When it comes to other forms of abuse, physical verses emotional and verbal abuse, the verbal and emotional abuse can have much longer damaging affects on a person than physical abuse.   As someone that has suffered from various abuses from childhood to adulthood I know that the most damaging were those that were verbally directed against me.

The sexual abuse has had the most devastating effect of the physical abuses suffered as it left me with no ability to enjoy sex as a means of pleasure between a couple, it left me very confused and thinking that sex was just a chore and didn’t help with relationships over the years, as I was never one to instigate having sex.   It often caused a no start in relationships because would be partners thought there was something wrong because of a lack of interest in developing the relationship beyond a platonic relationship.

Being belittled in front of others, being told worthless, being told that everyone would be better of if you were dead, leads to a lifetime of self doubt about yourself.  The abuse isn’t always needed to be vocal, even the attitude of others in their interactions with you can make you feel worthless.  Does making others feel bad really make others feel so superior to those they are putting down ?  Obviously it does or they might sit back and try make the other person feel better about themselves.

I combat my depression on what has happened over the years by doing my best to make others feel good about themselves, if this means telling someone they are a beautiful or wonderful person then I will do so.  It doesn’t mean I’m lying, it is just I search in people what is good and try to bring that to the front of what they are thinking about themselves.  Sometimes those that have the most hurt inside, often show a false happy, laughing side so that they can cope with being around people.

Your past can never be changed, just as you can’t change how you acted to others in the past.  You can make a difference in somebody’s life by actually being there for them, not passing judgement on them for what they do or can or can’t do.  There are people in my life that I will be there for them no matter what, I wouldn’t hesitate dying if I honestly thought their life would be better without me being there.  A bit drastic you might think but it is how I feel deep down and yes it leads to a depressive mood thinking about it.

I get told to forget the past, yet those same people hold recent events against me, whether bad decisions made in haste or other more or less important events that have occurred.  I admit that over the years have made some bad choices, some I have to live with till the day I die, others I have tried to fix over the years.

I have built up a barrier over the years and this is often felt by those I hold dearest to me, I can’t show affection towards those that mean the most, yet can hug and kiss people on the cheek if that is how they greet people, it still makes me uncomfortable but can face doing that.  For people I care about I try keep them at arms length away so to speak, will often try drive them away so that they give up and leave me to my own devices.

Thought of the day: One can better oneself by trying your best to making someone else have a better outlook on life, don’t belittle someone because it makes you feel better.  If you are one to use violence against another, stop and take a good hard look at yourself and those you are using violence against.  For those suffering from abuse, walk away from that abuse and let that person know you don’t deserve it.  One should try understand why another may act in a certain way, one shouldn’t judge by what others say or tell you.  The next person you belittle in any way may be the first person you kill by destroying their will to live and they end their life.

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